***fires off confetti cannon***
I have not posted this chemo cycle like I have done the others … one post per day, because I didn’t want to post a series of DONE posts. Which at the moment is how I feel. DONE.
Done with the monthly trips to kill off the bad blood cells. Done with sitting in a chair for hours on end waiting for the drugs to drip into my system. Done with being a pack mule carrying all the stuff to keep me occupied during those hours. Done with feeling myself swell up like a balloon from water retention. And OH SO READY to get my life back to some semblance of normal.
But as much as I’d love to celebrate (and I will because what is each step forward on life’s journey without a bit of celebration) the END of cancer in my body, I cannot. I will celebrate the end of this round of chemo. I will patiently await for the results of the tests that will determine how effective the chemo has been at ridding me of the bad abnormalities they found in my blood system. But the truth of the matter is, however much I want to say done with cancer, it is not done with me.
This is step 2 along my journey with cancer at best (and may there be many more steps, because as long as I’m stepping, I’m living.) The types of cancer I have, chronic lymphocytic leukemia and small cell non Hodgkin’s lymphoma, are not curable (today), so I will be living with them for a while—may it be a long while. Fortunately, they, by themselves, are not aggressive, and can be managed mostly through monitoring my blood values. As long as I keep up with the monitoring we’ll know how things stand and I’ll be able to take my life back. If the counts get out of whack, then we’ll whack back with some drugs and put them back where they should be.
So for me, this is done with chemo, for now. I don’t know whether I will need chemo again in the future, so I don’t want to be categoric about never needing it again. I might. I don’t know. But for now, let the dance party begin. I am done with this cycle of chemo, and that is enough to celebrate. What happens in the future will happen. And I’ll deal with it, just as I have dealt with this episode. Head on, flinching only when necessary.
The truth is that in looking at the grand design of my life (that which I can see at any rate) since I had to go through chemo—this was good timing. Since I had to do it. I have kept busy. Things have been changing on the writing side of life for the better, and things are getting ready to break open there, so better now than later to be isolated from the rest of the world. I need my energy back because I have so much to accomplish … I’m ready to spread my wings and soar.
The balloons in the post header are for the celebration. It’s time to relaunch my life.
April 10, 2014 at 7:05 PM -
Go shake your money-maker, hon. you deserve some fun! xoxoxo
April 10, 2014 at 7:11 PM -
I’m shaking it… but will still be in isolation for a while until my counts get stabilized and I’m okay to be out in the public domain. 🙂
April 10, 2014 at 10:49 PM -
Sending you sparkly confetti bomb 😉 And sharing all good things- today I had major announcements…and dedicating all the good that comes in the world to the times when dear friends can share confetti over tea. <3
April 16, 2014 at 6:48 PM -
*twirls around in the falling confetti* The only problem with confetti & tea is invariably the confetti gets IN the tea. We’ll just call it the dregs.
April 15, 2014 at 11:20 AM -
Looking forward to the day when we’ll see you and Denny again out and about! There are some big hugs waiting for you out here! Much love my dear! xoxoxo
April 16, 2014 at 6:50 PM -
I look forward to seeing you soon, too, April. We just have to get Dana’s clan WELL so I can visit. They’ve had one thing or the other since I’ve been doing chemo. 😉
April 15, 2014 at 11:00 PM -
Congratulations on finishing this round. It’ll be nice to take a breather. May you be out and about soon! Hugs!
April 16, 2014 at 6:50 PM -
I’m hoping to be out & about soon. I have a conference planned for the end of June. So I’m focusing my out & about energies on that. 😀